Oswego, IL
Meet Amber Colon. Senior at Oswego High School. Master of human resiliency.
Amber was always shy as a child—and not the typical, youthful type of shy. No, Amber was terrified of being around people. In fact, she only spoke to select members of her family until the age of 15 because of the anxiety she felt in crowds. At 5 years old, she recalls, a doctor asked her how old she was. She couldn’t make eye contact. Her throat closed. She could barely muster the courage to spread her trembling fingers onto the table to give her answer.
“At first I thought I was just shy,” Amber says. “But eventually I realized there was something more. It wasn’t normal to shut down the way I did. It wasn’t normal to dislike myself as much as I did. There was definitely something else wrong.”
As it turns out, that “something else” was a rare disorder called Selective Mutism. The disorder affects around 7 out of every 1000 kids, and can be summed up as a phobia that causes victims to shut down in social situations. The fear is uncontrollable, and the anxiety is dangerous and detrimental to the suffering person.
Amber describes her experience in social situations as “overwhelming,” citing shakes and chest pain as effects of the anxiety.
“Sometimes I would be in public, and I would just forget how to hold a conversation, which was frustrating,” she says. “Other times there would be so many thoughts racing through my head that I wouldn’t know where to start, and I’d shut down because that was so overwhelming.”
Amber’s disorder haunted her through elementary school and placed her in therapy sessions that she claims made her feel like she “had problems” (though she is now grateful for her sessions and claims they were beneficial). These effects were the root of her low self-esteem and chronic frustration. Amber also claims she was severely misunderstood by many of her peers, including teachers.
“They thought I was rude,” she says. “They thought I was choosing to be quiet. If they knew how I felt, they would know that nobody would choose to be that way.”
By the time Amber reached 8th grade, she grew weary of her disorder and started to take a stand.
“I got tired of it. I wanted people to understand me, so I researched the disorder and created a YouTube video, and I wanted to make sure I at least left something positive out there before going into high school,” Amber said.
That YouTube video now has over 16,000 views, and is joined on Amber’s page by several others. She even started a Facebook page to raise awareness, which holds almost 4,000 “likes.”
Still, Amber’s inability to adapt to social settings was not going away. The pressure of high school loomed in the near future, and it was a difficult adjustment.
This is when I met Amber, a quiet freshmen who, beneath her shield, clearly possessed a sense of blossoming vitality. A week prior to the start of school, Amber and her parents called a meeting with all of her teachers, and the 14 year old shared her YouTube video with us. It was a courageous start to a year that would yield much silence. But the video was a step, and four years later…
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“I feel obligated to speak for those who can’t,” she explains. “9 out of 10 people don’t know what Selective Mutism is or how serious of an issue it is. I want to make sure 10 out of 10 people do know what it is.”
“I don’t think anyone deserves to go through life without having a voice. Hating yourself that much is not okay, and then you feel like you can’t do anything.”
Although the experiences were difficult, Amber maintains that some benefits emerged from the disorder.
“[Few] people can relate to not being able to speak when they want to, so I think I benefitted from that. Just sitting back and listening, observing, I better understand people. I am more empathetic.”
With college on the Horizon, Amber intends to major in communications and specialize in international relations. This way, she can continue to raise awareness about the disorder, among other issues.
That’s right. A girl, once unable to speak, wants to major in communications.
“I’m bilingual, so the more language I learned, the more interested I became in other cultures. I want to expand my travels and help people.”
This success started around sophomore year of high school, when “the pressure of freshmen year wore off.” She claims exposure to new friends and kids who enjoyed similar things certainly helped, as well as her faith, and sharing her story.
Despite her profound growth, Amber says the anxiety still resonates in certain areas of her life.
“It’s not so much social, but more anxiety caused by stress. I never really learned how to deal with anxiety.”
Still, Amber is a socialite with a thirst for sharing her voice.
“I love people. I love helping people. I want to dedicate my life to more than just the disorder because there is so much more.”
As our conversation ends, Amber sits in her computer chair with a cool confidence about her. She smiles, takes a deep breath, then packs up her planner that is laden with records of her numerous commitments. While there is no known cure for Selective Mutism, Amber seems to have concocted a homemade remedy.
“I always say,” she adds at the last minute. “All the words I never got to speak—I’ll make up for that, and more.”
I have no doubt she will.
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Click on the links below to see Amber’s videos, and like her Facebook page (also below).
This July, Amber is teaming up with my company (Building Bridges) to raise awareness for SM. Ultimately, we plan to raise money so a child suffering from SM can attend a therapeutic camp in Oak Brook. We will do so through an open mic, the theme of which will be “Unheard Voices.” We people of all ages to share their voice on topics they are typically excluded from.
Follow us on our journey! You can follow Building Bridges on Twitter at @BridgeBuilt, and can like our Facebook page (link below.
I love you for reading!
JN
Amber's Facebook page:
YouTube Account:
Building Bridges Facebook:
